Falling for Eli is the memoir of Nancy Shulins, and the story of how she
healed the pain of infertility and the loss of her dreams of motherhood through
the love of a horse called Eli.
One again in this blog I am moving out of my comfort zone
with this book. Normally I find it hard to concentrate on non-fictional memoirs,
even those which are interesting (and sadly many are downright dull and poorly
written). Also as someone who has zero maternal instincts for the human child
(my maternal instincts are expressed only in the care of cats, dogs or horses)
I wondered if I would be able to relate to that aspect of the subject matter.
From the first pages I soon realised that both fears were unfounded.
The book is far better written than the average memoir and is certainly not dull.
The writing flows and is as easy to read and as stylish as good fiction. It has
warmth and humour, as well as emotional depth.
And what of the subject matter? The main theme of the book
is of course the heart-rending inability of the author to fulfil her dream of
motherhood. However you don’t have to have the same problem, or indeed even to
be female to understand and empathise with this situation. Anyone who has had
their dreams shattered in some way, or feels themselves set apart from the
rest of humanity because they cannot do the same things as ‘normal’ people – be
it through inability to have children, poverty, ill health or whatever – will find
strength and comfort in this book. It is so easy to feel that you are alone and
everyone else is having a better life than you. Nancy Shulin – through her
incredibly brave honesty – gives the reader assurance that this is not the
case. And she also shows how pain can be healed and life enriched once more by
taking a different direction in life. The fact that I have read many comments about the
book from a diverse range of people who seem to feel the book has helped them
with their own various problems, seems to emphasise the universal nature of
this book’s message.
Nancy Shulins heals her own pain through the love of a horse
called Eli. There are many insensitive jokes made about women using animals as
child-substitutes, but to 'animal people' this is a normal and indeed healthy
practice. We are not talking about those females who dress up their little dogs
in baby clothes and push them around in prams or carry them in handbags. In this instance the animals are
substitutes for dolls (or even worse fashion accessories) rather than children and those sort of
women have not really grown up. However I think that there is a very deep need
in most mature females to nurture and protect something. The majority of women express
this primarily with children. But then there are those whose nurturing instincts
are – as in the case of the author - thwarted, and so turn to animals instead. Some
of us actually prefer the animals themselves in the first place. But for most
females there seems to be a part of us which is unfulfilled unless we are
caring for and nurturing a living creature. As we bond with our animals we soon
realise that they are not actually inferior substitutes for children. They
become as important to us as if they were our own flesh and blood. Falling For Eli
both highlights and celebrates this bond and should be required reading for
anyone who doesn’t understand an animal lover’s closeness to their beloved
horse, cat or dog: the sort of person who sees animals as possessions which can
easily be replaced rather than living breathing beings. Perhaps this book could even enlighten
such a reader as to the real nature of the bond between humans and animals.
But this is not just a book about the mothering instinct and
its expression in the care of an animal. It is also a fascinating story of what
it’s like to get the ‘horse bug.’ There is a rather crude myth (probably
sniggered at by the same sort of people who laugh at women’s maternal affection
for animals) which says that pre-pubescent and teenage girls use horses
primarily as a male substitute and then lose interest when they find a real
man. What a load of nonsense! Although she rode as a child, the author did not plunge wholly into the world of horses until an adult, giving lie to the fact that this ‘bug’ is the sole province of teenage girls. It can strike at any age. And
as the book also shows, if a horse is any substitute at all, it is as a
substitute for a child not a man. (Maybe a man could be a – rather poor - substitute
for a horse on the other hand!) Of course the reader soon realises that Eli is far
more than a mere substitute. He becomes a being in his own right, who takes
over the author’s life in so many ways. The author describes perfectly what it
is like to own a horse, not just the mechanics, but the emotional ups and downs
and the effect it can have on the whole of your life. For anyone who wonders
just what owning a horse entails or what the world of the horse-lover is like,
this book will tell them all they need to know. For those of us who have owned
or loved horses or spent any time in the horsy world, the book gives us the affirmation
that being ‘horse-mad’ is not suffering from some strange disease (as many like
to tell us!) but is actually a very special privilege.
For me however the real strength of the book is that it
highlights the amazing healing power of the horse. In my other incarnation as a
reader and collector of children’s pony books, I have read thousands of stories
in which a horse changes the heroine’s life forever. Perhaps it turns her into a better person, maybe it heals a hurt inside.
Reading this book makes you realise this does not only happen in fiction. Real
horses also have the power to heal us and even restore our faith in life.
